Sunday is Balder the Bun Day!
For Easter we’ll have to leave you rather slightly unsatisfied (as Balder fans seem to be constantly anyway) with issues 275-6.
In case you weren’t emotionally scarred enough by last week’s issues, here’s a recap:
Balder’s dead and all y’all should be sad about it.
And in case you’re unclear about how many bro-feels Thor has for Balder, here’s a reminder:
PS, everyone loves Balder:
Except Loki. But that’s okay—no one can take him that seriously with that Buscema face he’s got. :)
I love Buscema faces, btw.
And in case you were confused about how these comics see Ragnarok, Loki takes a few [relishing] moments to inform us:
Loki’s an all or nothing kind of guy.
But Balder’s dead, right? Well, just to be sure, while Odin’s talking about the whole troll thing or whatever, the mortal vultures are spinning a sob story for the network over his corpse.
And Sif is understandably concerned that this news guy and his crew seem to know things she doesn’t. Because goddess and all.
Of course, Red Norvell is NOT the kind of guy to go into a deep discussion of the fate of one’s universe (at least, not if you’ve got tits).
But whenever love gets stomped on by the boot of Sif, there shall Loki be, waiting for new opportunity:
Red falls hard and fast, doesn’t he? I guess in his defense, Sif is a goddess. Still seems a bit much to be going over to the dark side so easily.
Then again, Loki is inviting him to get the kind of camera shots of space and extra-dimensional beings that could make his career. Loki, you crafty bastard.
So Red accompanies him and films Loki attempting to recruit the trolls, only to end up filming a great big smackdown with Thor and Loki. Thor, being the trusting sort to give chances to mortals, let’s Red carry his belt of strength, which Red has just witnessed grants the wearer an enormous boost of … well, strength.
Oh, Thor. Sometimes I think you’ve had one too many hits to the head with your hammer.
But anyway, during this whole time back in Asgard Odin’s been following the poetic eddas pretty closely, sending Hermod to Hela and hearing his message upon his return that Balder will come back if everyone cries, but Thokk the lady troll (who might or might not have been Loki?) didn’t, so he’s still dead.
That’s okay. Daddy-O’s got a back-up plan.
There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.
Mostly dead is slightly alive.
This all seems very promising—until you find out that Balder stays in this state for a total of 25 issues.
Anyway, all this making slightly alive tires out the old man, and he has to take a sit—after he puts on more swag.
And we can’t forget about spanking some discipline into that naughty boy Loki.
But, of course, even totally locked into a wall or whatever an awaiting trial, he’s still plotting with his new redheaded patsy:
No one ever said the guy was the sharpest nail in the toolbox.
After all, it wasn’t exactly hard for Loki to get him to do what he wanted.
Anyway, Loki is brought in brand new chains which look far less sturdy than the last, and Thor lists his crimes before Odin.
He’s been an awfully bad boy for, like, ever.
Yeah, Loki, you tend to lose friends when you, you know, try to ensure their ultimate downfall.
His defense? “The destiny made me do it.”
Sigyn is super depressing, guys. Like if you see how Loki ended up marrying her (which must be retconned into some of these issues because it wasn’t so long ago that he tried to marry Sif, and while I know Loki isn’t one to really be stopped by any laws, I’m pretty sure polygamy isn’t sanctioned in Asgard—otherwise, Odin would just be married to all those ladies in addition to Frigga. So yeah, something happened in-between there), you end up wondering why she doesn’t just go insane and slaughter everyone with all the crap she puts up with.
I’d read that issue. It might even turn Loki onto his wife for once. I think she does do weird stuff in the 90s concerning that or whatever, but I like to pretend most of the 90s in comics don’t exist.
Meanwhile, at Thor’s house where he keeps a giant fire surrounding his swag:
Yeah, because even though Loki’s on trial, he can still send his astral form to whisper sweet deceits into dum-dum’s ear.
Because that’s all part of his plan …
So belt of strength + gauntlets + fire = thunder god. Mix well. Serve with a side of rude.
So Thor’s all, aww HELS NO and decides to solve it like he solves everything—by smacking it with his hammer.
Too bad belt + gauntlets + fire = worthiness or something.
And this whole time, Odin’s just—nah, guys. It’s cool. Let them wail on each other.
And Thor loses to Thor.
And Sif ain’t havin’ none of that now.
Now that is just a low-blow, Red. See because not only is Balder her bro-in-arms and all, but that little flame over his comatose sexy bun bod is the only thing keeping Asgard from total destruction blah blah.
God, and Sif has to go with a guy who clearly does not know how to take care of his beard. Poor Sif. Being pretty is hard.
And even though Odin let it all happen (which you KNOW is all part of some Odin-ex-machina plan, but still), he’s super sad about it.
BUT NOT AS SAD AS WE ARE ABOUT BALDER (LIKE ALWAYS):
Only 24 more issues until he gets to come back. (I’ll probably skip over a lot of that because HONESTLY D:< )
And people say Loki’s the most mistreated.
Happy Easter and (semi-)resurrection! I just ate an entire box of Cadbury fingers, and I’m still sad about this.
look at this
fucking look at this
you are so fucking cute i am so fucking done with your shit balder
your fucking nose i just want to bite your nose
and your fucking eyes who gave you the right to look so fucking adorable? no one balder no one gave you that right